Who is a Jew and can you dislike Israel and still be a proud Jew?

Who's a Jew?

First off, one of the benefits of Judaism is that there is no central authority governing rules, membership, or definitions. While each denomination, jurisdiction, or governing body has rules, those rules are not universal. Even the traditional definition of "you're Jewish if your mother is Jewish" is not universal; it's a practical custom, accepted by some, that applies less and less in the current era.

I have evolved a lot over the years on this topic. When there is no definitive rulebook, anyone who truly identifies as Jewish can theoretically be Jewish. That's to say, you can be Jewish by faith, by ethnicity, by culture, or by choice. You can be of mixed heritage and still be Jewish. If you're half Jewish but feel Jewish, you're Jewish. And the converse is that, if you are ethnically Jewish but don't identify, you're still technically Jewish, but the next generations will be less and less so (and your right to speak for the community is dicey at best). 

Frankly, if you say, "I am Jewish," no one can tell you that you're wrong. We have no pope or president to say otherwise.

And what do Jews look like? Many Jews are truly observant but most today are not. Many Jews are ethnically and culturally Jewish (whether Ashkenazi, Sephardi, Mizrahi, Ethiopian, mixed, or otherwise). Many Jews are connected to the Jewish community in some form, but many are not. For some, the Holocaust and persecution are the main connections. For others, it is Israel. For me, it's a combination of culture (especially Yiddish culture and history) and Israel in all of its profound diversity (Middle Eastern, Ashkenazi, Jewish, Arabic, Druze, African, history, food, music, synagogues, mosques, and on and on).

So, if Jewish peoplehood is so diverse and inclusive, can't a Jew be a proud Jew and still not recognize Israel as the Jewish home? 

I think the answer is yes, though I passionately disagree. Our historical, cultural, ethnic, and religious connections to Israel are profound; our need for security is equally so. But some people simply aren't connected to Israel and don't have the firsthand experience that convinces them that it is important. I'll accept that those people can act in good faith, and that their political views on Israel/Palestine are simply political views and not about their Jewish identity.

However, many take it further. Many non-Zionists actively crusade against Israel's right to exist (beyond criticizing its policies or actions) and become anti-Zionists. These people are activists who have generally adopted an extreme progressive narrative about Israel and the "nakba," and who place Palestinian liberation above any Jewish needs. It is difficult for me to accept that those who support self-determination for another tribe but not for their own are truly proud of their identity.

There is yet another group that is even more common among those I know in my life: those progressive Jews who identify (often proudly) as Jewish, are not connected to Israel, and who turn a blind eye to racism against their own people because of their misgivings about Israel or their own identity. They may not be activists like the group above, but they will readily support Palestinian rights before their own and rarely comment on hatred leveled against Jews. At best, they are ignorant; at worst, they are ashamed of their own identity.

Self-haters? Or just rutterless?

During the ongoing conflict in Israel and Gaza, there is so much ignorance, delusion, gaslighting, bias, confusion, and actual hate in the media and social media that it's often hard to parse the truth. Unfortunately, that has not stopped the multitudes from weighing in, often to the detriment of peace and dialogue.

As a proud Jew, one group that gives me great stress is the self-hating American Jew. Okay, that term is not charitable and will shut down discussion right away, so let's instead say "the Jews of privilege" or just "confused Jews." Here is the logical progression that I've observed from this group:

I am a Jewish American

I identify with being Jewish (even if I'm only partly Jewish or didn't grow up in the community)

I am not especially observant, at least not traditionally, but I may have a strong connection to Jewish rituals like Passover, the high holidays, and shabbat -- and I like Tikkun Olam

I have a connection to nostalgic Jewish culture -- e.g., bagels, pastrami, and klezmer music -- but it's not a part of my daily life

I have grown up in the relative privilege of America, where I am safe from the hardships of previous generations, from direct hatred and violence, from existential insecurity

I am middle class, upper middle class, or wealthy, attended private schools or universities, and have been buffered from the immediate struggles that poorer Americans face (and, even if I grew up poor, my connection to those without means is now a conscious, political choice rather than an everyday reality)

I am ashamed of my privilege and feel guilty for my association with those perceived to be on the wrong side of social justice

I compensate by downplaying my own identity -- if I have any -- and seek to fill that void with something else: social justice, progressive politics, activism

My desire to fit into the progressive community -- and to signal my virtue, authenticity, allyship to the "others" -- becomes my central identity

I defer to the extreme progressive narrative about Jews, Israel, Palestine, privilege, right, wrong, race, colonialism, and history, even when it's false, simplistic, binary or imposes American political ideas onto a complex history

My own peoplehood is irrelevant

Jewish security and self-determination are meaningless

The millennia of Jewish connection to Israel are moot

Israel is evil and should not exist

Israelis and Jews are complicit if they are not actively fighting to free Palestine

From the river to the sea...

While this group is a minority of the whole (though a much greater subset of the cultural elite), their positions help justify similar confusion among non-Jews, all of whom together help continue the cycle of misinformation, propaganda, and support for outright bad actors supporting violence and death for Jews and Israelis.